Wine drinkers in denial over donations to John Key [Satirical response to actual poor journalism]

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New Zealand wine drinkers are tonight in denial tonight that donations given to Prime Minister John Key, thusly the National Party, through his Marlborough vineyard are not an endorsement of his campaign.

Earlier in the week shocking revelations uncovered a deep dark truth, that former Labour MP Rick Barker had not just one, but two daughters who ten years ago attended a rowing club, of which a wealthy Chinese businessman donated money too. This, of course, an obvious donation to the Labour Party.

Today, following all other party donation scandals, New Zealand wine drinkers refused to backtrack on claims they had donated thousands to Key’s wine label.

No wine drinkers were available for comment, although a spokesperson insisted the donations had been in good faith. Prime Minister John Key was not available for comment, but sources tell us he will be applying for an official apology of the claim. “The Prime Minister is probably very stressed to hear allegations that wine drinkers may have purchased his wine” said Insiders commentator Ed Peaches.

John Key has refused to release details of the donations as wine drinkers insist they have purchased several bottles of the beverage. National’s juniour campaign secretary told Insiders; “National holds no records on purchases of the Prime Minister’s wine from wine drinkers”.

This embarrassing revelation comes just a week after businessman Dong Liu claimed he had purchased a bottle of wine from former Labour MP Rick Barker, and this was an endorsement of Labour’s campaign. “Mr. Liu’s admission inspired us to come clean” said a wine drinker spokesperson doing her shopping at Thorndon’s New World supermarket, “he confirmed his donations, so we confirm ours. Yes, we have donated large sums of money to the Prime Minister by purchasing the wine produced from his vineyard”. When asked if the purchasing of Mr. Key’s wine was an endorsement in support to Mr. Key and his finances, the spokesperson responded “how isn’t it an endorsement?”.

Mr. Key is tonight pleading all wine drinkers to come clean and back down on claims that purchasing of wine supported his personal finances.

Another wine drinker has told Insiders the donations made to Key have gone back years, and probably helped him with his 2008 election campaign, “There’s no doubt me and many others like me buy his wine, and in doing so financially support him”.

The scandal is a bad distraction for the Prime Minister, who claims with no hesitation nobody has ever brought his wine.

 

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